When I was in middle school, I was a bit of a tomboy, a reality that was often reflected in my clothing. My go-to outfit was an over-sized t-shirt, gym shorts, and black Nike high tops. On picture day, much to my mother’s delight, I decided to wear a shirt that didn’t have a picture of a basketball or a Hanes tag. Forsaking my usual attire, I confidently set out to school on my red Huffy bicycle. As I rode past a school bus stop, I heard an older girl exclaim, “Doesn’t that girl know it’s picture day?! Look what she’s wearing!” Laughter erupted from the entire group.
In the grand scheme of things, this was an insignificant incident but what was said that day about my physical appearance was powerful enough to nearly crush me. While riding the rest of the way to school, it took everything I had not to crash my bike or cry off all the mascara I had clumsily put on myself. And six weeks later I had a shiny, wallet-sized reminder on my parent’s fridge!
Fast-forward 15 years and I often find myself battling the same issue: finding my worth and identity in physical appearance. Sure it looks different these days, as I’ve learned to craftily conceal it and make excuses on its behalf, but it’s the same root in the soil of my heart. The truth is that naïve 12-year-old on a bike needed a savior just as much as this 27-year-old woman does today.
When I catch myself entrenched in this heart battle, a multitude of thoughts run through my mind in attempts to modify my behavior. Maybe you’ve heard them before?
“Take down your mirror!”
“Tell yourself you are beautiful!”
“Just stop thinking these thoughts!”
How can I stop this cyclical pattern of self-obsession when all of the solutions revolve around me? As much as I try to will myself into changing, it's never enough. Heart change, at the core of it, isn't about behaving- it's about worship. Scripture is clear that a heart cannot serve two masters (Matthew 6:24). The effects to bowing down and worshiping false gods are devastating.
So let's blow the whistle on this form of misplaced identity and call it what it is. Believing that your worth and identity is found in how you look externally a lie.
The only weapon strong enough for this battle is a savior. In Christ, we find the standard for beauty and the answer to our heart’s cry for approval. Scripture is absolutely littered with his loveliness and splendor. All of our effort and money and fuss are a waste of time when Jesus isn’t the focus. Precious Jesus is always the point, and through the Holy Spirit, we are able to repent of our fruitless pursuits of perfection in our physical appearance. Regardless of how you perceive yourself externally, you reflect God’s image no less.
On a practical level, I am no match for the pursuit of youth; it is inevitable that I will age. Physical perfection is not within my grasp, and it is a reality that my outer self is wasting away. But because of His love for me, God is faithfully shaping me from the inside out (how undeserving am I of this?). My pursuit of being beautiful should compel me to try and radiate beauty from a heart hidden in Christ- to become a different kind of beautiful that has nothing to do with what I put on my body. This requires a radically different definition. It demands me to lower my love of self and replace it with the true beauty of all that Jesus is and has done.
But it doesn’t end here! The good news of the gospel replaces the lies we’ve feasted on with truth. It frees us from the exhausting chase of beauty. The gospel tells us that although we have nothing good apart from Christ, we are fully loved, approved of, and accepted in Him. He sees us in our sin- our envy, our self-centeredness, our idolatry and calls us beautiful in the blood of His son.
Looking ahead we can place our hope in the truth that we are being prepared for a day when we are no longer consumed with vanity or self-loathing, a day when Christ’s beauty completely captures our affections and intentions, instead of a pursuit of our own temporal satisfaction. But can we live in that future glory now? Can we seek to let the gospel inform our worth and identity today?
Let’s remember that God, the creator of beauty, has considered you righteous because of the work that Jesus has done on the cross. As we humble ourselves in light of this truth, let’s plead with the Lord for our hearts to desire His glory, and not our own. May the good news of gospel be ever so sweet and beautiful in our hearts!
“Not to us, O Lord, not to us, but to your name give glory, for the sake of your steadfast love and your faithfulness!” Psalm 115:1
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